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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27688615">Be Good</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissa/pseuds/Kissa'>Kissa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Just Be [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Come Sharing, Feelings, First Time Blow Jobs, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Parabatai, Self-Worth Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:08:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,026</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27688615</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissa/pseuds/Kissa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec is thinking of engaging in his usual self-harm tactics, but he did promise Jace he would come to him and talk about it. Jace has plans.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood &amp; Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Just Be [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024800</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Be Good</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/gifts">Nadja_Lee</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Mother, I… I don’t know how that happened, I did not authorise that.” Alec says, head bowed and feeling himself become small under Maryse’s scrutiny. He messed up again, it was such a clear cut mission, go in, retrieve the thing, go out. But now the item they were supposed to retrieve was lost because his team had decided to free some Warlock children they found, letting the vampires keeping them captive escape with the target of their mission. <br/><br/>Now Alec had to stand before his commander and suffer the consequences. <br/><br/>Every time he failed, Maryse’s words cut him like hundreds of thin little blades, leaving him bleeding inside and needing a way to let that pain seep out of him. Normally he would go to the boxing bag and punch it until his knuckles poked out through the torn flesh and tendons. <br/><br/>But he had promised Jace to stick to his rules, so this time he went to his room and took a really hot shower, cleaning himself as best as he could before going to find Jace. <br/><br/>*** <br/><br/>His parabatai is in his room in the bell tower, sitting cross-legged on the bed and reading. <br/><br/>As soon as Jace looks up to see Alec stand in the doorway, he knows something is wrong. <br/><br/>“I did as you asked. I came to tell you I messed up.” <br/><br/>Jace resists the urge to go hug Alec so hard it would squeeze his pain right out of him. Instead, he makes an effort to control his features and remains calm, looking detached. <br/><br/>“Sit on my bed, Alec.” <br/><br/>When Alec walks up to his bed and sits down at the foot end, Jace continues. <br/><br/>“Do you think you screwed up on the mission?” <br/><br/>“Yes.” Alec bows his head. <br/><br/>“Did you tell your team to abandon their mission and act differently?” <br/><br/>“No, I didn’t, but-” <br/><br/>“So what you’re saying is, you had no hand in controlling what the other Shadowhunters did.” <br/><br/>“No, I- but I should have.” <br/><br/>“Alec, you are in charge, but you don’t have power. You are there to take the blame, but you’re not given the power to compel the others to follow your orders. Is that so?” <br/><br/>“... yes.” <br/><br/>“What would you have done?” <br/><br/>“Rescue the children. AND retrieve the item mother sent us for.” <br/><br/>“Would you have called <em> that </em> a successful mission?” <br/><br/>“Yes! But I didn’t…” <br/><br/>“No, that choice was taken from you.” Jace says, closing his book, putting it away and coming to stand next to Alec, placing two fingers under his chin and tilting it up, making Alec look up at him. <br/><br/>“Now let’s do something for that hurt inside you. Go to my bathroom and fill the tub halfway with very cold water.” <br/><br/>Alec doesn’t know yet what Jace has in mind, but he obeys nonetheless, happy to be told what to do, with the promise of feeling better later. </p><p>Jace leaves the room and Alec wonders what he is planning, but he busies himself with filling the tub halfway and making sure the water is very cold, as cold as it comes through the pipes.<br/><br/>He is lost in his spiral of self-blame when Jace returns with two ten kilo sacks of ice from the kitchen, promptly dumping them into the tub. <br/><br/>“Undress.” Jace instructs, and Alec hurries to do as he is told, grateful something is taking his mind off his thoughts. “Boxers too.” <br/><br/>Alec feels himself blush. Jace has seen him naked in the past, but not recently, not since he filled out and started to look like a man. And normally he would not mind being naked, since he cannot change what he looks like on the spot and he knows he is toned and lean, just like every other active-duty Shadowhunter. Not as toned and lean as Jace, as his mother loves to point out. <br/><br/>But this time it’s different. Since Jace told him he is going to teach his body to feel nice things, it’s been all Alec could think of, on moments when he did not have work to concentrate on. And even then, he thought of what the words could mean with a very pleasant frisson running through him. <br/><br/>By the time he finishes undressing and folding his clothes neatly on a nearby shelf, Jace holds up a glass filled halfway with a clear liquid. <br/><br/>“Drink this. As fast as you can.” Jace asks. “Do you trust me?” <br/><br/>“Yes! I do.” Alec says, taking the glass, thinking it must be Seltzer. <br/><br/>“Then bottoms up.” <br/><br/>It’s vodka, Alec realises too late, as the liquid burns down his throat, making him feel like he is combusting from within for a long moment. But Jace has him, holding his hand and leading him to the ice water-filled tub. <br/><br/>“Do you want to stop?” Jace asks. “The drink is enough to make you sleep.” <br/><br/>“N-no.” Alec says, unable to stop from smiling. He is weak, he has no training with alcohol and just a drop will get him tipsy, but Jace gave him a lot at once. “Please.” <br/><br/>“So good for me, saying please. I’m right here with you,” Jace says, rolling up his sleeves. “Get in the tub, take a deep breath and lie down. Try to be down there as long as you can. If you worry about passing out, I’m here, I will pull you out. Alright?” <br/><br/>Alec just does what Jace told him to do. <br/><br/>The water is so cold, it feels like a billion needles stabbing into him at once. His body soon starts to respond to the extreme conditions, but he wills himself to not thrash and panic. Only one of his hands is out of the water, anchoring him to Jace. <br/><br/>His brain soon becomes disoriented, then sluggish, then numb. He cannot feel his limbs anymore, and the effects of the alcohol and the ice combined bring him close to a state where his body thinks it is dying. A lot of endorphins and dopamine are dumped into his bloodstream. <br/><br/>He feels himself slip away from the world, from himself, from his problems and his imperfections. In this calm space Jace plunged him into, his mistakes are inconsequential and he feels like an island, floating in an ocean of Jace’s creation. Floating happily, without a care. <br/><br/>He is abruptly pulled out of the ice water by strong arms that pick him up like one picks up a sleeping child. <br/><br/>A rough, cotton towel is wrapped around him and pats him dry. <br/><br/>Finally, Alec feels Jace carry him to bed and tuck him into fresh, crisp sheets. He feels like he is floating, and even more happiness floods him when, in the darkness of the room, Jace’s pine and ash scent envelops him as Jace slips into bed next to him, wrapping Alec in his arms. <br/><br/>*** <br/><br/>The next morning, when Alec wakes up right before dawn, he is met with a smile and a slow, minty kiss that deepens and that he gives himself over to. </p><p>Jace soon abandons his lips, in favour of the tendon in the side of his neck, and his collarbone. He feels teeth scrape and bite at the tops of his pecs, then suck on his nipples until he squirms. <br/><br/>Jace is kissing his belly when Alec dares a tense “Jace?” <br/><br/>His parabatai stops and he can feel mismatched eyes watch him attentively. <br/><br/>“Anything wrong? Don’t you like where this is going?” <br/><br/>“I do, but you said I should say what I want even if it’s hard.” <br/><br/>“I’m listening.” <br/><br/>“Thank you for last night.” <br/><br/>“My pleasure. Did it help?” <br/><br/>“A lot. I feel… light.” <br/><br/>“Good.” <br/><br/>“And… could I... “ Alec squeezes his eyes shut, this is as explicit as he’s ever been, but Jace’s rules are clear. “May I suck your cock this time?” <br/><br/>“Oh wow, you are… yes. I did say you could have anything you wanted, and you want… that? Hell yes.” Jace says, and Alec can feel him grin in the darkness. “Scooch a bit lower and put the pillow under your shoulders.” <br/><br/>Alec is a bit surprised Jace doesn’t ask him to go on his knees on the floor, but he trusts Jace knows what feels best. <br/><br/>He feels Jace move up his body and straddle his shoulders - then he is gone. He should feel weird, given that this is his first time doing something intimate with someone else, but this is them - this is Jace, and Alec has no shame when it comes to pleasing his parabatai. <br/><br/>He licks over the head when Jace’s cock nudges his lips to open, letting his tongue delve briefly into the slit in search of more of Jace’s unique flavour. <br/><br/>From above him, he can hear Jace say “fucccccck” in a low voice, thick with arousal. The wrecked sound fills Alec with elation. He caused that. <br/><br/>Alec takes him into his mouth and tries to get Jace to sink lower into him. His gag reflex is gone, ever since Maryse felt he was too pudgy during his puberty and told him to “get it fixed”. But right now, that cursed consequence allows him to swallow around Jace and coax more of the length down his throat while still managing to breathe, at first poorly, then quickly improving. <br/><br/>Jace is reduced to a babbling mess above him, unable to stop thrusting down into Alec’s welcoming heat, still with an edge of caution to his movements, partly due to his concern for Alec and partly due to his awe at how naturally they click together. <br/><br/>One of Jace’s hands leaves the headboard and searches for Alec’s hand on the same side, lacing their fingers together as Jace opens his side of the bond wide. <br/><br/>Alec relaxes even further into the sensation of Jace’s cock filling and stretching his throat so deliciously over and over, and he opens his side of the bond all the way. <br/><br/>As usual when they let the bond flare and flow between them fully, like this, they become one in every way. <br/><br/><em>“I love you, be mine forever,”</em> Jace’s soul whispers tenderly, melting into the matching flame. <br/><em> <br/></em> <em>“I was made for you, I’m only yours.”</em> Alec’s responds just as lovingly. <br/><br/>He can feel Jace is close and he is right there with him. The moment is so raw and so real, while the darkness before the dawn still preserves its mystery. Alec’s hips circle and thrust up minutely, his feet planted on the mattress and giving him leverage to move along with Jace. <br/><br/>He comes perhaps a heartbeat later than Jace, needing to feel the bliss of having managed to give Jace this blinding pleasure. His thighs tremble and his breathing becomes erratic; he needs to scream his release to the heavens, but before he can wake the whole Institute, Jace pulls out, his hand wrapping around Alec’s jaw and squeezing even as he is still coming, painting Alec’s face with pearlescent streaks. <br/><br/>Jace lets himself drop onto the mattress next to Alec, his pupils dilating back to fully eclipsing his irises as he sees the traces of him marking Alec’s skin and watches Alec lick his lips unselfconsciously. <br/><br/>Propped on one elbow, he leans over and licks Alec clean, making a bigger mess than when he started. He yelps as he feels Alec pull him down and kiss him, taking his hard earned prize back. <br/><br/>“I thought this was supposed to be about you feeling better and now I’m here trying to remember how to breathe.” Jace says eventually. <br/><br/>It’s already light outside and he sees Alec smile contentedly. <br/><br/>“I think I’m going to be riding this high for the rest of the week.” Alec says softly. <br/><br/>They lie together in contented silence, basking in the emotions flowing between them through the open bond, until Jace looks at the time. <br/><br/>“Shit. Let’s shower and get dressed, before someone sees us this crusty and I get upgraded to mortal enemy in Maryse’s book." <br/><br/>Alec lets himself be herded to the shower, thinking that even if he still needs to learn how to be good, when he does get it right, it pays off big time. <br/><br/>(end) <br/><br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Drinking a big glass of strong alcohol and then immersing oneself in ice water is pretty extreme. It does provide a massive high and makes your problems seem tiny and far away, but it's really risky. DO NOT TRY THAT SHIT AT HOME. </p><p>Lorraine (Charlize Theron) is pictured using the technique at the beginning of the movie Atomic Blonde. </p><p>And if you enjoyed this fic, please fling a tired writer a kudos and a comment. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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